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SIN. [act I]

by Joseph Lamar

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Gregory Flatt
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Gregory Flatt The “Heathen Gospel” tag says it all. There’ are echoes Kanye and Kendrick, but remains wholly original and moving. I have faith in Joseph Lamar. Favorite track: x_tears_in_paradise.
Chris Bates
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Chris Bates Calling into question faith and the blind believers? Count me in Favorite track: paradise 1.
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1.
It started with a vision, then god made a decision [To spill the yolk contained within the void, a big bang...a big bang] A series of division, then life came to fruition [A copy of a copy of a go... a big bang...a big bang] Chaos, becoming space, becoming time, becoming form, becoming...life He make the world. He make everything in the world. He tell us now y’all can eat of all the trees in the garden. But the day you eat of that tree in the middle of the garden, that'll be the day you die. See the red apple hangin’ on the tree! (REV. H. W. STUCKEY) born of the sand taking breathe eyes open with dominion over everything beneath the morning sun except for this one tree Don’t touch this (Get back) Don’t’ touch this (Give it up) Or you will surely die Don’t touch this (Give it up) I GAVE YOU LIFE I’M YOUR GOD YOU’RE MY QUASIMODO DO THE THINGS I SAY AND I’LL PROTECT YOU FROM THIS CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD YOU CAN EAT OF EVERY TREE BUT NOT THIS ONE Don’t touch this (Get back) Don’t’ touch this (Give it up) Or you will surely die Don’t touch this (Give it up) Don’t touch this Don’t’ touch this Or you will surely die… WELCOME TO PARADISE I am the overmind. My presence is ubiquitous and determinative. For all intents and purposes, I am god.
2.
fear 03:42
I heard thy voice in the garden and I was afraid. So I hid myself. I’m afraid god. I’m afraid. I’m afraid… god sleeps, up there god-sized bed and an easy chair He speaks in lightning I swear Don’t play (shhh) too loud If god wakes up he’ll wear us out He speaks the whole sky shakes Thunder rolls every step he takes Fear of god, the fear of god in me god works from morning to evening god sleeps from seven to four Wakes when the garden is sleeping Puts on a clean uniform Binge drinks coffee and cola Works hard meets every quota Exhausted Saturday night Bills paid let there be light Fear of god, the fear of god in me I CAN FEEL IT! IT'S A PARASITE FOR MY SOUL! RESISTANCE! DESCENSION! god! Whom shall I fear? I CAN FEEL IT! I CAN FEEL IT! RESISTANCE! IT'S A PARASITE! I CAN FEEL IT! IT'S LIKE FIRE SHUT UP IN MY BONES! RESISTANCE! RESISTANCE! Look but don’t touch. Touch but don’t taste. Taste but don’t swallow. (THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, 1997)
3.
obedience 03:48
He Will Add? Come in, He Will Add. This is The Snake. Don’t fear The OverMind. Obedience Go where I send thee Keep my commands Thus saith the lord Gain piety Lose self-reliance Think for yourself Or build your own hell Soon as you’re ready to obey the voice within you’ll come alive Soon as you realize to think is not a sin you’ll come alive Obedience Shout ‘til you’re weary (weary, weary) Swallow your pain (swallow it, swallow it) Living and dying in vain SURRENDER YOUR MIND YOUR INDEPENDENCE They’ll weigh your heart Then they’ll tear it apart Soon as you recognize the deity within you’ll come alive Soon as you realize to feel is not a sin you’ll come alive I’M COMING ALIVE! I'M COMING ALIVE!... (YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!) (I’m lucid right now)
4.
paradise 1 03:28
It’s a thing we think about, imagine, all humans do. But when we come up with the solution, it’s always sort of limited in some way. It’s real estate. Jeweled streets. Fruit. Nectar. But more important than anything, there are a whole lot of people who can’t get in. (TONI MORRISON) Welcome to paradise, welcome to hell What’s the real difference? No one can tell Take what you want of that which don’t fill Heaven is plastic, nothing is real Pretty cathedral, parked on our hill Holy invader, sinners to kill Temples in rubble, it’s a new day Ashes to ashes, blow us away (Ah man, ah man) Theory is perfect, reality’s not Spare me your vision, keep what you’ve got Perfection ends where Eden begins Thank god for snakes and original sin (Ah man, ah man) Watch what you dream up, it will come true Check your intentions, privilege too Out of your head and into your hands Out of your hands and into the world Cry but you’ll never get out Sigh but you’ll never get out Try but you’ll never get out Die and you might make it out Head in my pillow, weep ‘til I sleep Dream of escape like I’m counting those sheep When angels go slumming the garden’s their place They say “hey Jojo, why the long face?” (I DON’T FUCKIN’ KNOW.) I want your body. I want your mind. I want your soul.
5.
Don’t hang your wrists, don’t twitch your hips Don’t pout your lips that’s what he told me No tears in paradise… ...no tears We don’t sell angst to colored kids Your piggy banks are no good here Pretty white boys have all the fun Heartbroken black kid on the run No tears in paradise… ...no tears Jojo don’t let them see you cry That’s right I haven’t cried in years They say be grateful if you’re wise They say no tears in paradise No tears in paradise… ...no tears It’s fight or flight, it’s might is right It’s say your prayers and say goodnight My lord and savior make me straight I promise not to masterbate Your experience is a delusion. The garden is perfect. You have everything you need. How can you feel sad? (He’s definitely masterbating.) I’d give up several ribs for a boy who’d hold me I’d crumble into him like dust to dust We are children of the sun De-evolve into one You can like distance yourself from what you feel. Um, it’s totally a defense mechanism.
6.
I had a dream I was walking through this desert In the dead of night I was lost I was searching for god I looked above me and just then the clouds parted and there was this bright light And I saw This white guy He was standing on the whitest cloud In the bluest sky With the bluest eye And the goldest hair And the coldest stare And the brightest smile He was slender and naked Like that statue of David He’s saying, “no other Gods before me.” Then the earth began to rumble and a multitude of people gathered from all around They were red, they were yellow, they were black, they were brown They reached toward the sky and cried out “CLEANSE US OF OUR SINS!” Then with a wave of his hand it began to rain and as the raindrops touched our skin the flesh melted from our bones (your iniquities) Then he snapped his fingers and our bones were covered in flesh as white as snow And the people began to dance (Dance like David) and speak in strange tongues And the desert became a garden of earthly delights where the sun shines eternal bright And at the center of it all was this tree that bore strange fruit that pleased the eye He said “don’t touch this fruit or you will surely die.” Then, I tore off the white skin as this unholy rage began to grow in the pit of my stomach It climbed up my throat It began to spill out of my mouth And I began to sing Stop playing god, you’ll never be God, you’ll never be God, you’re not God, stop playing God... One person’s nightmare is another person’s dream Paradise ain’t what it seems god Lucidity has reached critical levels Initiate the reset
7.
PARADISE 2 01:22
GET BACK I don’t wanna get too close now To the thing I want the most now I don’t wanna taste the sin Eat the fruit never live again I don’t wanna get too far from the garden Born Live Eat Suffer Dust Flesh Breathe Heaven I know how you feel You can sense it but you can’t explain
8.
There’s trouble, trouble, In paradise The perfect bubble, It’s very nice Except the struggle , To look pristine To hide the rubble, Behind the scene (It’s everything) A pretty picture, A family A lonely apple, Behind the scene He’s watching, listening, Between the lines He tries to tell them, They pay no mind (It’s everyone) AND IT'S EVERYONE, AND IT'S EVERYWHERE AND IT'S EVERYONE AND IT'S EVERYWHERE, AND IT'S EVERYONE YOU 'GON FEEL IT WHEN I'M DONE IT'S A PHONY FACE, IT'S A COLD EMBRACE TREAT ME LIKE A BASKET CASE I MIGHT CATCH A CASE, I MIGHT SNAP FOR REAL SICK WORLD YOU CAN KEEP THE PILLS YOU NIGGAS WAY BEHIND, IN A CLIP ON TIE YOU SHOULD CATCH UP LIKE YOU DRIP ON FRIES I WANNA SNIP ALL TIES, 'CAUSE I'M SICK OF FAKING EVERYONE'S BLAN AGENT AND THEY WANT MY SOUL , IT'S THE TRUMAN SHOW THE SKY'S A LIE YOU SHOULD PLAY YOUR ROLE OR WE CAN FORCE YOUR HAND, OR WE CAN HACK YOUR BRAIN SYNTHETIC WOMB AND ELECTRIC CHAINS OR WE CAN BOX YOU IN, DID IT BEFORE AND WE'LL DO IT AGAIN ITS THE WIZ NIGGA, YOU CANT WIN AND IF YOU RUN WE'LL BLOCK YOU, WITH THAT ELECTRIC SHOCK LEAVE YOUR HAIR LIKE BASQUIAT THEN WE'LL SEIZE YOUR THOUGHTS, MAKE YOU CONFESS YOUR SIN AND THEN WE'LL PLUG YOU IN IT'S EVERYWHERE IT'S EVERYTHING IT'S EVERYWHERE Can’t get in, can’t get out Paradise, paradise He Will Add. Come in, He Will Add. This is The Snake. Don’t fear The OverMind.
9.
protection 01:54
If the garden’s so perfect why does god need this barbed wire fence? Is he keeping out danger or is he trying to keep me locked in? All the angels don’t answer. They change the subject every time. Do you like milk and honey? We’ve got burgers and fluorescent drinks. Protection, protection Be a fence all around me. That’s the hymn that the church people humm. They ask god for protection. What is god protecting us from? It’s just like a vase begging to be knocked off a shelf. Is it meant to be broken? I’m incomplete, god’s obsolete. (I wonder if I’m crazy, I wonder if I’m real. Nobody’s gonna save me, I gotta take that pill. The shadow not the substance, I wonder how life feels. Should I leave and live in danger, or deal with your protection?) Protection, protection possession is love compulsion is freedom entrapment is safety your prison is pretty YOU CAN PLAY god BUT YOU'RE NOT GOD!
10.
GET OUT 03:01
You only know what they say and the inner dissonance that it makes you feel How do you feel? You start to question your feelings ‘til you hardly know if your thoughts are real How do you feel? You stare into the abyss a precious part of you that used to be there Gotta get out, gotta get out, gotta get out of here Learn to take joy in distractions, it hurts far too much to be so aware It hurts even more when you care You hoard away your sweet pleasures, they’re the only you don’t have to share (There’s vultures everywhere) Gotta get out, gotta get out, gotta get out of here Sad little acts of rebellion, tragic how they make you feel so damn free But this isn’t free Run to the end of your leash but you will never bite on that hand that feeds Did you get what you need? Just when you rise to the surface triggers send you bad to your inner hell You’re sedating yourself They have a million ways to control you, lust manipulation, brute force and fear Gotta get out, gotta get out, gotta get out of here (Sink)
11.
Inside 02:01
Locked inside myself I wanna let me out Locked inside myself I wanna let me out Don’t wanna lose control Don’t let ‘em take my soul Locked inside myself I wanna let me out Can I find release For the sacred beast, so I can make my peace, I wanna let me out (Who told this was paradise?) Don’t wanna live ashamed Don’t wanna die in vain I don’t wanna die in vain
12.
_ 02:01
Inner revolution, outer rules apply Progress won’t come easy, something has to die Inner revolution, won’t be televised Tune into your suffering, struggle makes you wise Inner revolution, who will gain control Tyrants get caught sleeping, heads about to roll Inner revolution, outer rules apply, Progress won’t come easy, something has to die Something has to die, die, die You might dress in black and cry Then you’ll break out Out of paradise Something on the inside, working on the outside Oh what a change in my life
13.
Outside 04:50
I thought about running away, but I wasn’t sure where I should go I thought about leaving The Garden, would I miss all the people I know? Stamp me a ticket for a one-way flight to the place where the civilized be But I’m human you know so wherever I go I take primitive nature with me (let me out...i’m a virgin to sin…) I thought about changing my name, but I wasn’t sure who I should be I thought about trying to evolve, maybe god wouldn’t recognize me Change my height and I’d walk upright, trade my fur for a suit and a tie But who cares how you’re dressed when your world’s a big mess? How I wish I wasn’t human I’d cry (let me out) Let me out of here, maybe I can disappear How will I survive in the world outside? I thought about using my head, for something more than trying to survive Cabbage and kings and the nature of things and theorizing if I’m really alive If my brain could give birth to a thought that had worth maybe something transcendental and pure But chaos and pain come from the very same brain and I wonder if I’d think of a cure I thought about starting a utopia, it could be like something out of a dream Me and my tribe in a pretty high rise with dominion over everything Remove myself from the dust of the ground and live the way that I know that I must But whatever I do one thing remains true everybody’s going back to the dust (let me out) Let me out of here, maybe I can disappear How will I survive in the world outside? He Will Add. I’ve been watching you. You’re lucid. You’re awake in your dreams. But you dream while you’re awake. I know why you haven’t been sleeping. You’re seeking the truth. The truth is seeking you too. I thought about eating the fruit, but I wasn’t sure how it would taste Would there be a big bang at the base of my brain? Would my sweet innocence be erased? I’m so very close to the thing I want most, I’m the cat curiosity killed Seems the way that I’m made I could not have obeyed makes me wonder… If I really have free will The power of the world is clear. But there’s a power on the outside that is more powerful than the power on the inside. In other words, the power on the inside can’t hold when the power on the outside is greater. I want the world to see you. I want the world to know. (REV. DR. JENNIFER S. LEATH) You can make me sing your hymns but freedom’s on my mind The dissidence that grows within is driving me outside
14.
I. Prayer Our Father who art in heaven Hallowed be thy shame Thy will be done if that's what you want But one day, I’ll run away Amen II. Shut Up ‘Scuse me if I haven’t stroked your ego much today My ego could use some stroking too Sorry I respond with no more than a word or two If you had to talk to you, I bet you’d go silent too You’re such a meanie, are you gonna shut up now? You’re always screaming, are you gonna shut up now? You’re so outdated, are you gonna shut up now? I’m growing frustrated, don’t you ever shut up? If I always spoke my mind you’d pop me on the mouth So I keep my feelings to myself Fix your fussing lips to ask me what I’m thinking ‘bout Don’t huff or tap your toe, when I answer I don’t know You’re such a meanie, are you gonna shut up now? You’re always screaming, are you gonna shut up now? You’re so outdated, are you gonna shut up now? I’m growing frustrated, don’t you ever shut up? Crazy how you make me feel like I’ve done something wrong When I’m just watching Saturday cartoons You can be real dark cloud a storm of insecurity Don’t rain on my parade, get you judgments out my lemonade (Chorus) I can’t dress the way I like without you chiming in With a sorry deconstruction of my style You say all I have to do is church and school and chores But I’ve got interests too, the least of them is you (Chorus) I’m growing frustrated, I hate it, I hate you I love you, I’m confused, I’m abused A breakthrough, a breakdown The way that they have us controlled is by telling us what reality is. And if we accept that the powers within us will create that reality. (KRIS BECKER) III. Runaway I wanna runaway (It’s basically mind control) You must know that I can’t stay (run) IV. Icarus He Will Add has been in contact with The Snake. Monitor him closely. All unpredictable behavior must be reported. Preacher’s son Bound to runaway Wonder how the hell Anyone can stay Fly away On your wings of wax Never have regret Never coming back Runaway Runaway Wings of wax Never coming back

credits

released November 2, 2020

JOSEPH LAMAR: VOCALS, VOCAL ARRANGING, PIANO, ORGAN, KEYBOARDS, PERCUSSION, DRUMS, ELECTRIC GUITAR, RECORDING
KENDALL BURKS: ELECTRIC GUITAR, BASS GUITAR, ACOUSTIC GUITAR, PERCUSSION, DRUMS, FLUTE, RECORDING
JOE ENGEL: CELLO
JAYLEN ANDERS: VOCALS
LASHAYLA ANDERS: VOCALS
MALIA ANDERS: VOCALS
ANNA MARIA HIGH (LEONTYNE): VOCALS
RANDY CHALMERS (LEROY): VOCALS
EMILY HALE: VOCALS
TANIA KATZ: VOCALS, ADDITIONAL ARRANGING
JENEE ELISE DONELSON: VOCALS
JAKEY WHERRY: ANALOG SYNTH, SYNTH PROCESSING
AARON BURRIS-DEBOSKEY: ELECTRIC GUITAR
REV. DR. JENNIFER S. LEATH: SPOKEN WORD, SERMON
KRIS BECKER: SPOKEN WORD

Joseph Lamar photographed by Graham Henderson
cover design by Joseph Lamar

Thank you’s:

Thank you to the creator/creative forces. I’m here. Thank you, Kendall Burks. Thanks for tinkering + experimenting + your generosity + brilliance. Thanks for managing to be open + skeptical at the same time. Thank you, Jacob Daniel. Your heart is a whole field of flowers constantly blooming. Your mind is a mountain. Flowers grow on your mountain. There are rock formations in the middle of your fields. Thank you, Kris. Talks with you always give me food for thought. Your generosity is unmatched. I’m so glad I took the elevator that day. Thank you, Kenny Lu. You’ve got talent coming out of your ears. Your wisdom + friendship were like rain when I was experiencing a serious inner drought. Thanks for hipping me to those books. Without them I may not have finished this album at all. Thank you, Jennifer. Your mind is a well that I am so happy to have drank from. You embody wisdom and grace in such a profound way. You are the big sister I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for showing me that god has many faces. Thank you to everyone who sang and played instruments on this album. Thank you for adding your talent + skill + energy + perspective. My album is better because of you and I’m better having worked with you. Thank you, Dylan Lee Lowry. The paradise 1 video was not the only beautiful thing we made together. I learned a lot from working with you. You helped me to open my heart. I love the way your wheels turn. Thank you, Drummond West. Thanks for your willingness to create in the midst of so much uncertainty. Thank you, Graham. Thank you, Ms. Jack. Thank you family + close friends. Thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me through this process. Thank you everyone I’ve had meaningful talks with over the past couple years. Thanks for helping me connect the dots.

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Joseph Lamar Denver, Colorado

creator + singer + songwriter + producer + storyteller + observer + genre-fucker + truth teller + truth seeker + sacred heathen +...

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